Hey Y'all!
"Love yourself, all of yourself..."
This is something that seems to be presented more and more in social media. The idea that we should be embracing ourselves fully, admiring our imperfections and wearing what we want on our bodies anywhere we want is preached by so many who, like many of us, didn't have that level of confidence and self-esteem until now. While this is a lovely movement towards self-acceptance and increasing visibility of many types of people, it can be a challenge for someone to know where to start for their own journey of increasing self love and self esteem.
If you are in an era of radical self-love, I support this. Why not have that type of regard for yourself? For those of us that fluctuate or find it hard to register that type of self-love... let's have a chat.
The way we see ourselves is shaped by our experiences and influences throughout our life. Messages we receive from how others respond to us are filtered through these experiences and influences and create a narrative about who we are and how we should feel about ourselves. This happens in positive and not so positive ways. As we get older we are able to see how those influences affect us. When they are no longer helpful for us, the decision to change our narrative may lead some to seek therapy or make changes in life that will move them to live a life that reflects what has been learned.
So, you have lived this long without a high level of self-esteem. You have worked, had success, had relationships, functioned as a person all while not feeling super great about yourself. Do you really need to build up your self-esteem?
Need to? No. Can it be useful? Definitely. Here's my thoughts on this:
You began your life learning who you are through the lens of others, your parents/guardians, family, peers, school and work environments, social media, relationships with others. For most this is how we figured out if we are good or bad or acceptable. Then we realize that we have the ability to determine this for ourselves, but it can be hard to embrace that when we have been conditioned to think otherwise. By building up your self-esteem, you lean on internal validation and things you have confirmed for yourself about who you are and what you want. Self-esteem is regarding yourself, valuing who you are and how you do life. It can also lead to self-acceptance, which involves having a level of okay-ness with all of you, even the parts that you'd like to keep under wraps.
We will talk about self-acceptance soon.
-Marchele Lee, LPC-S
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